Most of the time I don’t really know what I’m doing.
or so my brain likes to tell me.
or to be more precise I’ll wake up with the thought “What the F**k am I doing!”
This morning was one of those days.
However, this morning I knew it was a trick. A game my mind (that inner critic, the big bully, top dog) likes to play to keep me small. I have just figured this out. Today.
In the past when I’d have this morning thought it would send me into a bit of a downward spiral and an inner argument. I would push it aside and bury that thought deep with in. It never occurred to me to actually question that thought and to poo-poo it! Until today. And now I know EXACTLY what it is.
So rather than agree with it – I say. Nope. You’re wrong. I DO KNOW what I’m doing. Ha - *I do a somersault and punch my fists in the air* (Slight exaggeration, was more for effect ;-D)
OK Yes, It is TRUE sometimes. Sometimes I actually don’t know! However, I know now that if I’m quiet and *take the time* to listen to my inner wisdom, my inner strength I know really. (this has taken practice as I was always looking outside to be ‘fixed’ in some way or too busy to listen, and if I'm honest a bit scared to listen too).
Then on the flip side of the coin, depending on the situation, not knowing is actually part of the fun (for me) part of the excitement. Especially with some of my projects.or visiting somewhere new. That for me is part of the experience. The discovery. I also ask myself – ‘Who will I meet as a result of this?’ Then I’ll wait and see.
This morning something different also happened.
As part of my year of Exuberance and Abundance (my words of 2014) I have been reading the wonderful book Simple Abundance – by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
I think I've mentioned this book before, I’ve had it a few years and dipped in and out. This is the first time that I've read each days essay well, daily.
And this morning it made me *extra* smile. (can I say that? Am sure you know what I mean)
This is what it said:
It was like being given permission to not know all the time What a relief! (even though deep down we kinda do know. You might have to dig a bit!).
I've also created a mental space for myself. I like to call this space The Not Knowing Cafe.
In my mind's eye my cafe has a red sign above the door and really comfortable plush dark green velvet seats that you can really sink into. Not so squidgy that you never want to leave, but somewhere you feel comfortable for a while. It can get quite busy there sometimes, other times it's just me. The staff are ALWAYS smiling and it has a happy and relaxed atmosphere.
So next time you have an attack of the not knowings - pull up a chair and join yourself in the ‘Not Knowing Cafe.’
What does your Not Knowing Cafe look like? Create your own space and the get a drink and sit and say to yourself. ‘OK I’m kinda stuck. I’m having an attack of the not knowings. What do I do next? Then go quiet. And take time to listen (that’s the important bit!) It might be something like ‘read that article you’ve been meaning to read, or go for a walk. Then DO THAT THING.
That will make all the difference.
See you there!